ah so random with the tittle. Last monday, i was absence on work feeling unwell so i decided to stay at home but not really took a rest, i tried to re-arrange my room. Tried to cleaned up and discard useless any stuff. Wow, so many things that i never use but still i keep and also so many things i have but i always buy and buy a new one :(. First, tried to clean up my 3 drawers in my bed, and the shocking part is i found my part-of-my-life :’). Why am shock? hehe, because i almost forgot where i put them :D. Yes, my-part-of-my-life is my diary. I have 7 books. I start to wrote a whole things that happened in my life since 2003. I wrote anything that happened day by day, sometimes i wrote very detail. I love to write in detail, because someday i re-read, i can recall it :). I stopped wrote in book and move on into this blog since last 2009. So, after i found those books, i smile, yes smile. I thought, it will be funny if i re-read all the silly writting :D. So i decided to wipe those books from dust and i put on my bed. After finish with all of my duty, i take one of the book, and i re-read. Smile. Yes smile when i open first page on first book :). Page by page, smile, laugh, flat, so many emotional feeling on that until i cried. Yes cried :”). Found the page which told about him :”). Him, a man who always care and nice to me. A man who am waiting almost 2 years :”). But i treated him miserably :”(. Yes, it was him, my ex-lovely-boyfriend. On that book, almost one book i told about him *ah, i wanna cry :”( :”(*. On that book, really made me re-call every detail was happened, really really detail :”(. What he said and did. When we were in love, when we were being hate, when we were in love again, oh god damn miss him so much, really :”(. Pardon me dear god, pardon me that i treated him miserably. May i call this with regret? May i call this is with karma? :”(.

Almost 2 years am waited him. 2 years he always care of me, always told anything to me. 2 years i should fight with my feeling, should decided who will i choose but too bad all the sacrifice is nothing :”(. I hurt you and now i really miss you, really :”(

Dear god, can i get the chance to love a man like him?

can i get a chance to-be-loved again?

can i get a chance to say that i miss him so bad?

Dear god, please taking care of him in every condition :”)